I’m 40 weeks and 4 days pregnant and this afternoon I will be induced. I feel calm and relaxed, and ready for the next stage of this motherhood journey. I’ve had a couple of warm baths in the last two days – with candles, essential oils and the sweet voice of Sam Garrett playing softly in the background, spending time one on one with my beautiful little man before he leaves my body. I’ve also had yummy, quiet meditations listening to the birds and sounds around my house and feeling my baby move around inside me. James and I have spent good quality time together too – we went to our favourite cafe for breakfast today, had a bath together last night and I’ve been sitting outside with him just watching and chatting while he works on the garden. These are special moments because I imagine we won’t have time for things like this for a while, and we certainly didn’t when I was working and studying too.
After I finish this, I’m going to roll out my yoga mat one last time while the babe and I are together in one body, and practice a long, slow, sleepy asana with my little man inside me.
I feel reflective today and while at the start of the week I felt tense and annoyed, today and yesterday I have felt completely at peace. I turned my phone off on Sunday to another day when I was in a better space and that worked out well for me. I’ll be turning my phone off this afternoon now until I am ready to share our news – but I think I would like to spend a couple of days just relishing in the ‘us-ness’ of it all before sharing our energy.
I’ve actually realised through all of this how sensitive I am to sharing my energy – and pregnancy especially has lead me to feel very protective and insular – opening myself up can be quite draining, especially as I am an introvert. I spend a lot of time processing and experiencing the emotions associated with new experiences, and can find it tiring to share myself with others until I am in the right place for it. I often feel anxious from absorbing the energy of others around me which happens when I’m not grounded or trying to be someone I’m not. I felt guilty about this initially – especially when deciding to turn my phone off – but I have come to terms with it and realise that this is just who I am and the way I operate. I don’t need to feel guilty about it because it’s not about anyone else, it’s just about myself and respecting who I am and my needs and making sure I’m in the best possible place going into birthing.
So I’ll leave you now – rain drops are hitting the tin roof, my yoga mat is calling and my dogs are snuggled up with me on the couch. Next time I write, I’ll have a new baby out in the world and it will just be me inside this body.